May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions! Joey Adams
Joey Adams (January 6, 1911 – December 2, 1999), born Joseph Abramowitz, was an American comedian who was inducted into the New York Friars’ Club in 1977 and wrote the book Borscht Belt in 1973
Lenny and the Squigtones is a fictional musical group headed by Michael McKean and David Lander, the two actors who played the characters Lenny and Squiggy on the television series Laverne & Shirley. The group’s eponymous debut album, Lenny & Squiggy Present Lenny and the Squigtones, was released on the Casablanca label in 1979.
Leonard “Lenny” Kosnowski (Michael McKean) is a lovable goof who pesters Laverne and Shirley, along with his best friend and roommate Squiggy, both of whom live upstairs from Laverne and Shirley’s lower-level apartment. Lenny works as a truck driver at the Shotz brewery, and prizes a stuffed iguana named Jeffrey. Raised by his father after his mother abandoned them, during the series it was learned that Lenny was the 89th in line to the Polish Throne. Lenny says that, while he is not completely sure, he thinks his last name (Kosnowski) is Polish for “Help, there’s a hog in my kitchen”.
Andrew “Squiggy” Squigman (David Lander) is an obnoxious anti-hero, a parody of the 1950s tough guy with trademark greased hair and black motorcycle jacket. Squiggy works and lives with childhood friend Lenny. Squiggy grew up with neglectful and abusive parents, and is often scheming to get rich or succeed by somewhat devious means. He collects moths due to being repeatedly locked in a closet as a child with them. Squiggy, like Lenny, loves the chocolate-flavored drink Bosco Chocolate Syrup, and makes nearly every entrance with his trademark “Hello” said in a slightly dopey voice. In the final season, Squiggy’s lookalike sister named Squendoline is introduced.
These two guys really sold their characters, whole heartedly, with gusto and both with degrees from Carnegie Mellon University.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. W.C. Fields
William Claude Dukenfield (January 29, 1880– December 25, 1946), better known as W. C. Fields, was an American comedian, actor, juggler and writer. Fields’s comic persona was a misanthropic and hard-drinkingegotist, who remained a sympathetic character despite his snarling contempt for dogs and children.
My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. Dave Barry
Dave Barry has been a professional humorist ever since he discovered that professional humor was a lot easier than working.
For many years he wrote a newspaper column that appeared in more than 500 newspapers and generated thousands of letters from readers who thought he should be fired. Despite this, Barry won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary, although he misplaced it for several years, which is why his wife now keeps it in a secure location that he does not know about. One of Barry’s columns was largely responsible for the movement to observe International Talk Like a Pirate Day every year on September 19. This is probably his most enduring achievement.