New Rules For The Next Presidential Election
Okay folks I am calling this one a total loss. We most likely will be getting one of the two highly disliked and untrustworthy clowns as the head of the Executive branch of government. We have four years to implement some new rules so my suggestions are as follows.
Rule 1: If you have ever repeatedly and with purposeful intent been in more than one “reality show” or “unscripted dramas”, “improvisational programs” or any show that places people in contrived situations without dialogue being provided and without rehearsal beforehand and it’s sole purpose was to make money, then you are eliminated from the pool of eligible candidates for the highest office in the land. We do not need someone with a maturity of a child in a hotel swimming pool. (Hey Dad, Hey Dad, Hey Dad, watch this, watch this, Hey Dad watch me.)
Rule 2: If you are related to either by marriage or blood to a person who was previously the President of the United States you are not allowed to run. This is America we have no need for a monarchy, dynasty or a ruling class. We have over 319 million people in this country surely we can find someone other than a Bush, Kennedy, Roosevelt, Clinton, or Obama. (My prediction Michelle will become Senator and then will try to get back to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.) This will make it harder for future school children to remember a President’s name but we all have to make sacrifices.
Rule 3: If you are the second runner up in the election (which means you are the first place loser) then while your opponent is running the country your also get to serve in a slightly different capacity. You will be given the head principal position at an inner city high school and have to live at the school in an apartment provided for you. Your claimed you wanted to serve, well now is the time to prove both your abilities and willingness. (If as Principal you hold a press conference you must devote 99% of the time talking about bake sales, test scores and the funding to fix the roof, the gym floor and/or the copy machine.) Maybe after running a school for four years you will be more palatable to the American public.
Rule 4: Essay, Section 1. All candidates will be locked in separate rooms on some military base or other secure location. You will be given a five questions, about such topics as civil liberties, world affairs, taxes and other important topics. While locked up you can either dictate your answers to a stenographer, write them long hand, or use a computer with no internet access. You will have two days to answer these questions. After you are finished a goverment school teacher of your choice may help you edit for grammar, style and spelling. All essays will then be submitted to 100 random public high school students in a blind survey. Each student will either give you a plus or minus for each answer. If you do not get at least 75 pluses then you will not be allowed to go onto the next round. Your grades will be posted and your essay can be read by the American public. One week later there will be a big reveal matching the candidate to the answer.
Rule 5: Essay, Section 2, You and four advisers will be placed a secure location with no internet and given questions to answer. For this round no teacher may help you with grammar, style or spelling. Then your raw answers will be placed on a website and the public can see your answers, again with no names attached for a week.
Rule 6: You must get a letter from your high school math teacher stating that you did your own homework and if not who the teacher suspects did the homework for you.
Rule 7: (Applies only if Rule 6 shows you did not do your own math homework.) You must produce the person who did your math homework for you and they must swear under oath weather or not they were paid (money, promise of a date, or simply sweet talk) or if they were threaten (physical violence or social bullying). This person will then tell what type of person you were in school and how many pimples you had.
Rule 8: You must produce while filing your intent to run for President of the United States of America at least ten different pictures of you and a pet. All pictures must have been placed on social media over the last three years and at least one if not more cleaning up after your pet. This will show that you have a heart and that you realize there are somethings you cannot control.
These eight simple rules might not make this a better process but at least make it less of popularity contest and more about stuff that might actually mean something as opposed to the name calling, grandstanding, flag waving and overall silliness that we have now.