Posted in Quotes

Committees

Gilbert_Chesterton

I’ve searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees.    Gilbert K. Chesterton

Gilbert Keith Chesterton, KC*SG (29 May 1874 – 14 June 1936), better known as G. K. Chesterton, was an English writer, poet, philosopher, dramatist, journalist, orator, lay theologian, biographer, and literary and art critic. Chesterton is often referred to as the “prince of paradox.” Time magazine has observed of his writing style: “Whenever possible Chesterton made his points with popular sayings, proverbs, allegories—first carefully turning them inside out.”

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Posted in Outrageous Lies and Tales, Tending the Stones for the Lock

Tending the Stones for the Lock II

2nd part of the new weekly story.  (First Part)  The inspiration for this came from an off hand comment I made on Facebook, and since people seemed interested I decided to follow through.  Happy Reading.  

(1st Part) (2nd Part)  (3rd Part) (4th Part) (5th Part) (6th Part) (7th Part) (8th Part) (9th Part)(Part 10) (Part 11)bowlingball

 

Brodie adjusted his seat belt for the third time making sure it was buckled.  He had never flown before and he was nervous, he was even more nervous though because of Mrs. Emily had been acting strange.  No that was not the right term, strange was what he Aunt Veronica did when she washed her cats with a hair dryer and no water.  No Mrs. Bartloski was acting bizarre.

“Brodie can you help me downstairs?”

Before he had a chance to answer his employer was  on her feet approaching the door to the basement and before he could stop her she was moving down the stairs slowly one at a time using both her cane and the railing.

“Be a dear and go to the garage and get the four way tire iron from the trunk of the car.”

Brodie looked at her dumbly as she continued to move slowly down the stairs.

Mrs. Emily descended two more stairs and “Just do it dear, I will be fine.”

Brodie nodded when he saw she was only two steps away from the bottom.  He went into the garage and found the four way tire iron.  Or as his uncle use to call it a lug wrench.  Carrying the black metal tool back into the house he wondered why she wanted this tool in the basement.  As he reached the bottom stairs he did not see Mrs. Emily anywhere.  “Ma’am where are you?”

“Back by the furnace, did you find the four way?”

“Yes.”  Brodie said coming into the area by the furnace and water heater.  Mrs. Brodie was standing beside the metal devices pointing towards a plate mounted into the wall with two lug nuts on two bolts.

“If you could loosen those two lug nuts, hopefully they turn easily the last time I had them off I oiled them with WD-40.”  The old woman said smiling.  “But then I had my grandson Tyler tighten them, he was fifteen at the time, but he played football so he war awful strong.”

Brodie had met Tyler, saying he was strong was an understatement, the young man was now playing linebacker for a large university and was occasionally on television.

“Tyler tightened them, when he was fifteen?  So you have not taken these nuts off in six years?”  Brodie said placing the lug wrench up at the nuts and then rotated the tool to the right size.

“Well he might have been sixteen.”  Mrs. Emily stated smiling.

Brodie placed the wrench in position and gave an experimental turn lightly at first then with more strength he pulled on the tool and the bolt turned slowly, with a few more turns it spun freely and he spun the nut off the bolt.

“Now the other one please.”

Brodie handed her the loosened lug nut which she placed on top of the water heater.  Brodie loosened the other nut with the same amount of effort.  Then he slowly took the metal plate off the wall, it was heavier  then it looked and  he placed it gingerly on the floor.  When he stood back up Mrs. Emily had closed the distance to the wall and was nodding as if seeing an old friend.  “Could you hand me the bag please.”

“Bag?”  Brodie looked into the hole and saw a blue leather vintage bowling ball bag sitting upright in the wall. Things had happened so fast this morning he had not even had time to guess what they were doing but he had not expected to find a bowling ball behind a hidden shelf in the basement at work today.  But seeing as how he didn’t have a reason not to he grabbed the bag by the handles and gingerly lifted it out of its recessed position where according to Mrs. Emily it had sat for close to seven years.  The bag was heavy but no heavier then he expected it to be.  “Are we going bowling Mrs. Emily?”

Taking the bag from him Mrs. Emily hefted it as if weighing it.  “Don’t be silly my dear Mr. Brodie, I can’t bowl with these new hips. ”  She placed the bag down on the floor. “If you would place the metal plate back on the wall and then bring the bag upstairs when you are done I have to make some phone calls.”

Brodie simply nodded and placed everything back the way he found it then carried the blue leather bag upstairs to Mrs. Emily who was in her small office off the kitchen.  He placed it at her feet and she simply nodded as she talked on the phone.

“No I am sorry I can’t make Jessica’s birthday, my friend Helen called this morning and I have to go help her out, she hurt her back and I said I would come out to Eureka and help her out for a few days.”

Brodie just stood there and listened he did not know what else to do, but this is the first time he had heard about a trip to Eureka.  They had gone there last year for a few days, it was a big house on the beach and he had to do very little except sit and read while Mrs. Emily talked to her friend.

“Now Meredith you know when you are hurting you want a friendly face around, remember when you broke you leg in college you were very happy when I came and stayed with you for a few days.”  There was a pause.  “That is what mother’s are for.”  Another pause as he guessed Meredith was talking.  “And I am happy to go help Helen but I am sad I will miss the party.”

Brodie was about to leave when Mrs. Emily started writing something on a pad and motioned for him to read it.  ‘Can you get someone to watch your cat?’  He nodded yes.  Then Mrs. Emily motioned for him to go and make the call.

Fifteen minutes later he returned to the small office, his sister had agreed to get his cat and take it to  her house and he had asked her to return a stack of library books he had beside the front door as well.  He had one library book with him, The Canterbury Tales, but figured if they were only going up to Eureka he would be able to finish it, and one book overdue would not be much money.   Mrs. Emily turned to face him after she finished typing something on her computer and smiled.

“Brodie can you be back from picking up some clothes from your house in about a half an hour, we need to be on the road in about an hour?”

He nodded thoughtfully.  “Sure I just did laundry the other day.”

“Good, do not forget your passport.”   Then went back to whatever she was doing on her computer.

Brodie looked at her quizzically but just chalked it up to an idiosyncrasies of the lady as he always carried his driver’s license which had always been good enough before when he needed ID.    Brodie then excused himself and got into his pride and joy a used metallic green hybrid and quickly got home packed a quick bag, fed his cat, Toby, ignored the cat  meowing as he got his passport from the desk drawer and made it back to his employer’s house in thirty-five minutes.  In the time he had been gone the older lady had made it upstairs and was placing things neatly into a suitcase.

“Would you close it up and carry it downstairs our car should be here shortly.”

Brodie did as he was asked then was there to ensure that his charge navigated the stairs properly using both her cane and the railing. Brodie admired the lady, with two hip replacements she got around very well.  It was only a few minutes later that a car horn beeped and Brodie loaded the suitcases into the hired town car with the help of the driver.  When Mrs. Emily was settled she made him return to her office and get the blue bowling ball bag and then she insisted he put it between them on the back seat .

The ride was uneventful  until they made a turn away from the northern route he assumed they would take , but Brodie said nothing wondering what route they would be taking.  It was not until they turned of the interstate towards the airport that he turned towards Mrs. Emily.  She smiled at his shocked expression and spoke before he could voice a question.

“We are flying.”

“To Eureka?”

Mrs. Emily took his hand in her hand and placed it very motherly on top of the bowling ball bag then she held his hand with both of hers.  “Well not exactly my dear boy, I told a little fib to my daughter, I have some business to attend in Finland, I hope you don’t mind coming along.”

“Finland?”  Brodie said shocked.

“I hope you are up for it, it is a beautiful country and I have already booked us two first class tickets.”  She said patting his hands.

“Finland isn’t it cold there?”  Brodie said the first thing that came to his mind, thinking of his few meager clothes in his suit case.

“Oh no dear it is summer there, just like here, granted it is a little chiller, but if you need some warmer clothes I will buy them.  In fact this entire trip is my treat so don’t worry about that.”  She said it warmly but turned her head away at the last part.

“So your friend Helen?”   He let the question trail off.

“Oh Helen’s back is just fine, in fact she is on a second honeymoon with her third husband.”  Mrs. Emily put her finger to her chin. “Or maybe it is a second honeymoon with her third husband.”

Two and half hours later Brodie was sitting in a First Class seat waiting for the plain to take off, his eyes fell onto the blue bowling ball bag that Mrs. Emily had insisted be stored where she could see it.   She had been adamant that the bag not be checked.

 

Emily woke slowly and easily, she had always been able to rest comfortably no matter the circumstances, and these first class seats were very comfortable.  She reached out to grab her cane and superstitiously tapped the vintage bag secured at her feet.   No one had disturbed it while she was sleeping which meant that they had gotten this far without someone being able to get on the plane with them.  She had been a little concerned about the change in planes at JFK but apparently  either they were lucky or the enemy was not on their toes.

She steepled her hands and mediated for a few moments trying to avoid the questions.  How long before they would have to deal with the opposition, surely they knew she was back in play and moving.  The visit from the High Pilgrim could not have gone unnoticed.  She stared out the window for a few minutes then looked at her seatmate, when would she have to explain what was going on to Brodie.  Looking at him objectively she noted  he was a nice looking young man, dark hair, strong chin and wonderful brown eyes.  He was a little above average in height, she guessed about about six foot tall, lean and muscular but more of a runner than a lifter.  He husband, Clark had been a runner when he was young, but later in life he began lifting weights and got very strong.

She sighed thinking of Clark, he was a dear sweet man and she missed him terribly sometimes, but she had faith that when her job was done here she would see him again on the far side of the grave.  She pushed those thoughts out of her head and turned her attention back to Brodie.  The poor boy had never traveled much and this trip was going to be a big adjustment for him, not to mention the purpose of the trip.  Emily sighed and decided to take care of a few issues before he woke up.  Pulling out her tablet she connected to the Wi-Fi on the plane and made reservations at a hotel in Helsinki.    Emily checked her e-mail, then drafted a letter to High Pilgrim Orujov telling him that his assistance was needed.   All she needed to do was to tell him where to meet them and his people would be there, she carefully place the draft into the old code and then she did some shopping for Jessica’s birthday present.  She felt bad not being there for the girl’s twelfth birthday but duty called.

 

(1st Part) (2nd Part)  (3rd Part) (4th Part) (5th Part) (6th Part) (7th Part) (8th Part) (9th Part)(Part 10) (Part 11)

Not crazy about the title, any suggestions will be duly considered.

The problem I have discovered with this type of writing is if I commit to something in the story there is no taking it back I just have to go with is and write my way out of it.  

If you would like to read my last weekly story, A Disinclined Purveyor of Sequential Art her it is. (Written in 2013, the same year my wife left me, so I was a different person back then, and I hope I have learned a lot about writing since then.)

If you want to see one of  my complete books try Disconnect in the Outfitters Universe.  

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My Response:   The prophecy stated that in 60 years if the Stones were not properly aligned then the world would fall under the sway of the demon king for 1000 years. 1956 21 year old Emily the chosen one starts the quest. She arranges half the Stones around the planet, but then falls in love and life happens. Now it is 59 years later, Emily’s husband of 58 years passed away and one of the monks has found Emily and reminds her that she is the chosen one and needs to complete her task. Anyone interested?

 

Posted in Quotes

Circus

david-niven-murderbydeath-5

Keep the circus going inside you, keep it going, don’t take anything too seriously, it’ll all work out in the end.   David Niven

James David Graham Niven (1 March 1910 – 29 July 1983) was a popular English actor and novelist. His many roles included Squadron Leader Peter Carter in A Matter of Life and Death, Phileas Fogg in Around the World in 80 Days, and Sir Charles Lytton, (“the Phantom”) in The Pink Panther. He won the Academy Award for Best Actor for his performance in Separate Tables (1958).

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Posted in Quotes

Cemetary

Malcolmxm

Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.   Malcolm X

Malcolm X ( May 19, 1925 – February 21, 1965), born Malcolm Little and later also known as el-Hajj Malik el-Shabazz, was an African-American Muslim minister and human rights activist. To his admirers he was a courageous advocate for the rights of blacks, a man who indicted white America in the harshest terms for its crimes against black Americans; detractors accused him of preaching racism and violence. He has been called one of the greatest and most influential African Americans in history.

Malcolm X speaks in Harlem-a

Posted in Outrageous Lies and Tales, Tending the Stones for the Lock

Tending the Stones For The Lock

Beginning of a new story, will do a couple pages a week.  The inspiration for this came from an off hand comment I made on Facebook, and since people seemed interested I decided to follow through.  Happy Reading.  

(1st Part) (2nd Part)  (3rd Part) (4th Part) (5th Part) (6th Part) (7th Part) (8th Part) (9th Part)(Part 10) (Part 11)bowlingball

“Mom why is their a man in monk robes standing on Grandma’s porch?”

“That was way too fast pulling into the driveway Matthew.”

“Mom.”

“I was not driving too fast.” The teenager boy claimed.

“The tires squealed when you pulled into the driveway you were going to fast.”

“Tires squeal for all kinds of reason Mom I was only going about ten miles an hour.”

“Mom is that a monk on Grandma’s porch?”

“Not now Jessica,”  She turned back towards her son. “I think you were going faster then ten, more like closer to fifteen.”

Mark looked over toward the porch as he placed the SUV in park and turned off the engine. “Mom I thought Buddhist robes were yellow and red, why is his red and green?

 

“Would you like more tea John?”

“Hello Mother.”

“Oh  that is right you were coming by,”  Emily smiled and motioned to the man who was putting down the tea cup. “Meredith I would like you to meet my very old friend High Pilgrim Orujov.”

“Hello.”  Meredith stated tersely.

“How nice to meet you Ms. Bartloski.

“Oh she is married.” Emily corrected the robed man sitting across from her in the dining room. “She is Mrs. Wallace.” He mother smiled and asked.  “Are the children with you dear.”  She said peering around her daughter into the living room.

“They are waiting in the car.”  Meredith said simply but her mother did not seem to get the hint that she was worried.  “May I speak to you alone mother.”

Emily heard the tone in her voice and saw the expression on her face, the worried look that her husband had on rare occasions.

“John I will be back shortly.”  Emily rose from the table grabbing her cane  and using it to get to her feet The robed monk in the corner simply nodded  as Emily and Meredith passed him walking through  the kitchen out the sliding glass door and onto the patio.  Meredith  closed the door  and turned and found her mother standing still with her face pointed upwards enjoying the sunshine on her face and smiling.  Meredith looked down at her mother slightly stooped over, with a full head of gray hair, wire rimmed glasses and wearing a red track suit that showed even for her age and the fact she had two  hip replacements she was trim and in shape.

“Mother why are their three monks in your house?”

“Well actually there are only two monks the youngest one, I think his name is Hans, is not allowed to be a structure with a roof, some sort of vow or rite he is completing.”

“Okay Mom, why are their two men in robes in your house.”

“Like I said the High Pilgrim is an old friend, of course when I met him he was only a Novice Wayfarer.”

“Do they want money Mom, are they looking for a donation?”

Her mother looked at her with serious look. “No Meredith like I said John is an old friend.  Why are you so suspicious of people?”

Meredith tried another tactic.  “Was he a friend of Dad’s?”

Emily shook her head.  “No I met John a while before I met your father, but he did meet Clark once.”  She smiled as if remembering something.

“Are they Buddhist?  Meredith said looking back into the house suspiciously.

“No not exactly, they belong to the Waskean Screen.”

“You say that like it is a common thing,”  Meredith paused. ” I have never heard of the Waskean before.”

Emily leaned on her cane and spoke like the school teacher she once was. “The Waskean devotes themselves to the fight of good vs. evil by the collection of sacred articles and the alignment of the items of a paranormal nature.”

“A bunch of nuts then.”

“Meredith Katelyn Bartloski that is very prejudiced way to think and I raised you better than to make snap judgements like that. ”

“Sorry Mom.”  Meredith said sheepishly.  “So where did you meet the..?”

“The High Pilgrim, we met in Egypt and then traveled to Kilimanjaro and a few other places, then we went to Finland.”

“You traveled with this man?”  Meredith said in a tone that conveyed both surprise and scorn at the same time.

“Don’t give me that tone young woman I am your mother and I had a life before you came along and besides there was a group of us. ”  Emily smiled at a memory.  “And people of John’s order take a vow of celibacy.”

“Wait you said you traveled with him to Finland, isn’t that where you met Dad after your skiing accident.”

Emily nodded. “Yes after my skiing accident.”

 

Emily woke up at 7:00 without an alarm clock on Monday morning.  She followed the same schedule she had for the last two years, first a short walk around the block, then she found the paper on the driveway and then put coffee on and drank two cups with toast as she read the paper.   It was coming up to nine when she heard the front door open and the same voice called out her name as she had for the last two years.

“Hello Mrs. Emily.”

“In the kitchen Brodie.”

Brodie entered the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee and then added his dollop of cream from the refrigerator.   Emily watched wandering how he was going to handle her announcement, probably not very well, but she needed him if she had any hope of accomplishing her mission.

Brodie sat down at his customary at the kitchen table and took a sip of his coffee.   “Well do you think we can get to work this week throwing some of the junk out of the garage, I still have the number for that company that brings the dumpsters out.”

“No Brodie, I do not think we will be able to get to the garage this week.”

Brodie frowned, while Mrs. Emily was his boss, he had strict instructions from Mrs. Wallace about items Brodie was to accomplish and one was cleaning the garage out.  This huge task was in n addition to making sure Mrs. Bartloski took her medicine and did her physical therapy and got to her doctor appointments on time.  “What project will we be working on this week  I cleaned the gutters last week so no need to do that again.”

Emily looked at him over her coffee mug. “Is your passport still valid?”

 

(1st Part) (2nd Part)  (3rd Part) (4th Part) (5th Part) (6th Part) (7th Part) (8th Part) (9th Part)(Part 10) (Part 11)

The problem I have discovered with this type of writing is if I commit to something in the story there is no taking it back I just have to go with is and write my way out of it.  

If you would like to read my last weekly story, A Disinclined Purveyor of Sequential Art her it is. (Written in 2013, the same year my wife left me, so I was a different person back then, and I hope I have learned a lot about writing since then.)

If you want to see one of  my complete books try Disconnect in the Outfitters Universe.  

facebook-page

My Response:   The prophecy stated that in 60 years if the Stones were not properly aligned then the world would fall under the sway of the demon king for 1000 years. 1956 21 year old Emily the chosen one starts the quest. She arranges half the Stones around the planet, but then falls in love and life happens. Now it is 59 years later, Emily’s husband of 58 years passed away and one of the monks has found Emily and reminds her that she is the chosen one and needs to complete her task. Anyone interested?

 

 

Posted in Ameica's Big Game, Quotes

President

bill clinton

Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.   William J. Clinton

William JeffersonBillClinton (born William Jefferson Blythe III; August 19, 1946) is an American politician who was the 42nd President of the United States from 1993 to 2001. Clinton was previously Governor of Arkansas from 1979 to 1981 and 1983 to 1992, and the Arkansas Attorney General from 1977 to 1979. A member of the Democratic Party, ideologically Clinton was a New Democrat, and many of his policies reflected a centristThird Way” political philosophy.

bill_clinton

Very close to:   Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.  Lyndon B. Johnson

Posted in Quotes

Comedy

Mel-Brooks-Spaceballs

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. Mel Brooks

Melvin James BrooksKaminsky, born June 28, 1926) is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker, composer, and songwriter.  He is known as a creator of broad film farces and comic parodies. Brooks began his career as a comic and a writer for the early TV variety show Your Show of Shows. He became well known as part of the comedy duo with Carl Reiner in the comedy skit, The 2000 Year Old Man. He also created, with Buck Henry, the hit television comedy series, Get Smart, which ran from 1965 to 1970

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