Posted in Ameica's Big Game, My Views On The Real World, Outrageous Lies and Tales

The Genie and the Libertarian

 

Max looked over the dingy dented copper kettle, he noted the strange writing on it, he wondered how it got in the junk pile of  this old dilapidated cabin on this abandoned strip mine.  He shrugged and wondered if it was worth cleaning up or just throwing in the scrap pile.  Copper was going for about $2.93 a pound, not that this piece weighed more than a pound but every little bit helped in the scrap business.  He took his bandanna out of his pocket and rubbed it, maybe he could clean it up.

As soon as the cloth was swiped across the kettle a loud boom came from no where and everywhere smoke began to spew from the kettle’s spout.  Max dropped it and took a few steps back and promptly fell on his butt, that is when  a voice came from the smoke. “Who summons the genie of the lamp?” the smoke formed a cloud which then coalesced into a torso and head of a man.   The figure’s features got more and more sharp until Max could see he was  bare-chested, earrings in both of his ears with a very noble but unsmiling face.  The face began to look around and his eyes fell on Max.   “Are you the Master of the Lamp.”

Max shook his head blinked really hard and looked back up at the smoke and floating top half of the man.  “I am having a acid flashback.”  Max said out loud then shook his head again.  “That is not right, I grew up in the 80s and I have never done acid or any other hard drugs for that matter.”

The figure leaned over and looked at Max’s digital watch. “I see the age of science and reason still prevails, but have you heard the story of the genie of the lamp?”

Max raised an eyebrow quizzically.  “You mean Aladdin and the wizard with the booby trapped cavern?”

The top half of the man laughed, a big belly laugh. “I am in the presence of a an educated man.”

“Not really I barely graduated high school but I did read One Thousand and One Nights.”

“Good then you understand the basic principles of this, you are the Master of the Lamp, I am your slave to command, you have three wishes so choose wisely.”

Max raised his hand like he had been taught in class and Sunday school.

“No need to raise your hand Master, I take it you have a question well let me answer the most frequent asked questions and save us time.  No you cannot wish for more wishes.  No I cannot change the world or the past, I can only effect you, for example I can make you irresistible to women or rich or both.”  The genie smiled and winked at him.  ”Or like the last guy, he asked to be rich and famous, to say whatever he wanted and to be President of the United States.”

Max grimaced, so that is how the Oompa Loompa had done it.  Not with a deal with the devil but three wishes, he shook his head.  “Not my question but thanks for the information.”

The genie interrupted.  “Oh, you want to know if I can raise the dead, or make someone fall in love with you or perhaps kill your enemies.  Sorry but no on all three but I can make you a great undefeatable warrior so you can kill your own enemies.”  The genie said nodding enthusiastically.

Max shook his head no again.

The genie looked confused now. “Then master what is your question?”

“You say that since I found the lamp I am the master and you are my  slave.”

“Yes until I complete the three wishes then the lamp will vanish from sight along with your memory of me, the lamp will be cast to the winds of chance to another  location for someone else to find.”  The genie said as if this was common knowledge.  “So what is your command Master and please use the phrase ‘I wish’ that way I know you mean it.”

Max nodded understanding, then shook his head.  “I am sorry genie but I do not believe another person should be the slave to anyone else so I cannot make a wish that would be wrong.”

The genie raised his eyebrow.  “Excuse me?”

“I do not believe anyone should be forced to do anything against their will and I believe in a free exchange of goods and services between free and willing persons.  If you  are a slave that negates your freedom, I will not participate in the enslavement of anyone.”

The genie lowered himself down to Max’s eye level on the ground. “I do not understand you, this is your right, you own the lamp, therefore I am yours to command.”

“I may own the lamp, but that does not give me the right to take your freedom.  I will not participate in your forced servitude.

The genie scratched his head.  “So no wishes huh?

Max crossed his arms.  “Nope.”

The two stared at each other for a while.

“Anything I can do to change your mind?”

Max shook his head. “Nothing comes to mind.”

The genie put his hands on the cloud where his hips would be. “I cannot return home till I have granted your wishes.  So you must make three wishes so I can find a new master.”  Max must have had a confused look on his face so the genie spoke again.  “I cannot return home till I serve a hundred masters, you are my twenty-third master.”  The genie said matter or factly.  “You must make your wishes.”

“I will not.”  Max said standing up so he was even with the genie.

“We have a problem then Master.”  The genie said growing in size and his voice got deeper and louder and the smoke that made up the lower portion of his body got darker.

Max shook his head.

“You must.” The genie said towering over Max trying to intimidate him.

Max crossed his arms glaring back. “Nope.”

The two of them stared at each other, after a few minutes the two stopped and Max walked over to his nearby  ATV and drank from his canteen, he offered it to the genie who was watching him all this time.  The genie shrugged and floated over to him and Max extended the canteen to him, with that gesture Max had and idea.  “Can I make a wish for you?”

The genie looked at Max.  “No one has ever asked that question before.”  The genie said confused. “You would do that  for me Master?”

“Yes and please stop calling me Master, my name is Max, I am just a simple duck farmer out gathering a little copper for some cash.

“You are a duck farmer, I used to be a shepherd.”

Max nodded then continued. “Can I wish for you to be free?”

“I don’t see why not.”  The genie answered quickly grinning ear to ear.

Max stepped back and looked the genie in the eye.  “I wish

 

Just another piece in my ongoing efforts to examine my own libertarian/voluntarist/pacifistic anarchist world view point.

We Need a Monster

America’s Big Game

 

Posted in Ameica's Big Game, Quotes

President

bill clinton

Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.   William J. Clinton

William JeffersonBillClinton (born William Jefferson Blythe III; August 19, 1946) is an American politician who was the 42nd President of the United States from 1993 to 2001. Clinton was previously Governor of Arkansas from 1979 to 1981 and 1983 to 1992, and the Arkansas Attorney General from 1977 to 1979. A member of the Democratic Party, ideologically Clinton was a New Democrat, and many of his policies reflected a centristThird Way” political philosophy.

bill_clinton

Very close to:   Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.  Lyndon B. Johnson

Posted in Ameica's Big Game, My Views On The Real World

New Rules For The Next Presidential Election

 none-of-the-above-logo

New Rules For The Next Presidential Election

Okay folks I am calling this one  a total loss.   We most likely will be getting one of the two highly disliked and untrustworthy clowns as the head of the Executive branch of government.    We have four years to implement some new rules so my suggestions are as follows.

Rule 1:  If you have ever repeatedly and with purposeful intent been in more than one “reality show” or “unscripted dramas”, “improvisational programs” or any show that places people in contrived situations without dialogue being provided and without rehearsal beforehand and it’s sole purpose was to make money, then you are eliminated from the pool of eligible candidates for the highest office in the land.   We do not need someone with a maturity of a child in a hotel swimming pool.  (Hey Dad, Hey Dad, Hey Dad, watch this, watch this, Hey Dad watch me.)

Rule 2:  If you are related to either by marriage or blood to a person who was previously the President of the United States you are not allowed to run.  This is America we have no need for a monarchy, dynasty or a ruling class.   We have over 319 million people in this country surely we can find someone other than a Bush, Kennedy, Roosevelt, Clinton, or Obama.  (My prediction Michelle will become Senator and then will try to get back to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.)  This will make it harder for future school children to remember a President’s name but we all have to make sacrifices.

 Rule 3:  If you are the second runner up in the election (which means you are the first place loser) then while your opponent is running the country your also get to serve in a slightly different capacity.  You will be given the head principal position at an inner city high school and have to live at the school in an apartment provided for you.  Your claimed you wanted to serve, well now is the time to prove both your abilities and willingness.  (If as Principal you hold a press conference you must devote 99%  of the time talking about bake sales, test scores and the funding to fix the roof, the gym floor and/or the copy machine.)  Maybe after running a school for four years you will be more palatable to the American public.

Rule 4:  Essay, Section 1.   All candidates will be locked in separate rooms on some military base or other secure location.  You will be given a five questions, about such topics as civil liberties, world affairs, taxes and other important topics.   While locked up you can either dictate your answers to a stenographer,  write them long hand, or use a computer with no internet access.  You will have two days to answer these questions.  After you are  finished a goverment school teacher of your choice may help you edit for grammar, style and spelling.   All essays will then be submitted to 100 random public high school students in a blind survey.  Each student  will either give you a plus or minus for each answer.  If you do not get at least 75 pluses then you will not be allowed to go onto the next round.   Your grades will be posted and your essay can be read by the American public.  One week later there will be a big reveal matching the candidate to the answer.

Rule 5:   Essay, Section 2, You and four advisers will be placed a secure location with no internet and given questions to answer.   For this round  no teacher may help you with grammar, style or spelling.  Then your raw answers will be placed on a website and the public can see your answers, again with no names attached for a week.

Rule 6:   You must get a letter from your high school math teacher stating that you did your own homework and if not who the teacher suspects  did the homework for you.

Rule 7:  (Applies only if Rule 6 shows you did not do your own math homework.)  You must produce the person who did your math homework for you and they must swear under oath weather or not they were paid (money, promise of a date,  or simply sweet talk) or if they were threaten (physical violence  or social bullying).   This person will then tell what type of person you were in school and how many pimples you had.

Rule 8:  You must produce while filing your intent to run for President of the United States of America at least ten different pictures of you and a pet.   All pictures must have been placed on social media over the last three years and at least one if not more cleaning up after your pet.  This will show that you have a heart and that you realize there are somethings you cannot control.

These eight simple rules might not make this a better process  but at least make it less of popularity contest and more about stuff that might actually mean something as opposed to the name calling, grandstanding, flag waving and overall silliness that we have now.

 

giantmeteor

Also in the political arena We Need a Monster, Salemanship and  America’s Big Game.

 

 

Posted in Ameica's Big Game, My Views On The Real World

Salesmanship

redvsblue

Everyone, her friends, her parents even people on the street were all taking about why their car was better than someone else’s.  Betty decided it was time to go shopping so she did what everyone else did and went to the dealership.  They sold the two major brands ,the brand her parents always drove and brand that her friends wanted.

“I could tell by the way you came in here you want to make or keep this country great am I right?”

“I just came in here to look.” Betty said.  The salesman looked perfect, blue suit, flawless hair,  red tie knotted precisely and a smile that matched his perfect white shirt.

“Very wise but you want a car that is great like this country, dependable but bold, tough and smart. Do you want to buy or lease?”

“Well I don’t want to be tied to something forever so just a lease, maybe like four years.”

The salesman continued smiling. “Of course, but with the option to renew for another four years. Once you commit to four years it will be hard to change.”

Betty looked around the showroom. “How come the only cars here are either red or blue?”

Smiling he showed those sparkling teeth. “Red and blue are the most popular colors and we give America what America wants.”

“Do you sell other colors, maybe green or yellow?”

“Of course we could but we really suggest either red or blue, it is much easier to get body work done and other colors are more likely to get stolen. I am sure you have heard the phrase ‘the tallest nail gets hammered first’  well by selling only red or blue cars we are protecting our customers.”

“I guess that makes sense.”  She strolled between two cars which were  both on elevated platforms with the salesman at her elbow.  “I can’t really get a good look at the cars from down here.”

“But you can see their great profiles while looking up at them, let me show you the brochures, which one do you want to look at first, blue or red.”

Betty shrugged.  “Red I guess.”

“Great choice a very impressive model this year.”  Pulling out a glossy brochure he handed it to her.

Looking over the brochure she asked.  “Does this car really get a hundred miles to the gallon?”

“It depends on your driving habits if you are a lead foot in the city then you mileage may vary, but look at this,” he said flipping the page to a picture of the the trunk.  “isn’t that impressive, you could probably get seven suitcases in there.”

Betty nodded it was a huge trunk.  Glancing at the remaining pages she turned to the last page and as if on cue the salesman asked. “So what do you think can you see yourself showing this off to all your friends?”

“Well maybe, but I should shop around, what are the features on the blue car.”

“An awesome selection it is a very impressive model this year.”  The brochure was produced and at the same time he relieved her of the first, flipping to a page seemingly at random he pointed out a feature.  “This car’s interior is made with sustainably produced fabrics that have a zero percent emissions rating in the shipment to the market.”

Betty looked at the stats but not knowing what he meant.  Although the cars looked different and  were different brands it seemed to her that the cars were basically the same. “Can I see the brochure for the red car again?”

The salesman continued smiling and deftly produced the brochure again, but this time he presented it to her open which forced her give the blue one back to him.

The facts seemed clear but not quite.  “Can I look at both of the brochures together?”

His smile faltered slightly. “Sure.”

Betty held both and flipped thru them together.  “It says the blue car has 30 cubic feet interior space but the red car has 17 cubic feet in the front and 13 cubic feet in the rear. Isn’t that the same amount of space?  They are both four door sedans after all.”

The salesman answered as if he got asked this question all the time. “You are very observant.” Then he winked. “Yes they are both sedans, with the same basic layout but   with key differences. One has 30 cubic feet overall that is in total space and the other has 13 cubic feet in the passenger area but  4 more cubic feet in the front seating area.”  Still smiling.  “I can see you are very astute. Are you interested in a leather interior?”

Betty shook her head realizing what he had said did not make any sense. She closed the brochures  and noticed a logo on both brochures. “Are both these car manufactured by Omni Consumer Products?”

The salesman winked again at her. “No they are manufactured by different companies, both with different but similar manufacturing processes.”  Then he pointed towards the blue car.  “This design team spent hundreds of hours on the greatest luxury car of all time,”  he shifted his body to now block the blue car while pointing towards the red car. “Their design team polled countless people to determine what people want and created the most supreme luxury car of all time.”

Betty nodded and then stepped around the salesman and began to walk around both cars.  “What if I wanted something totally different from these two cars?”

“I know what you want.” Snapping his fingers. “A convertible, well we have a crimson model and a sapphire one right on the other side of showroom, you are going to love one of them.”

Betty shook her head.  “I don’t think you understood me what if I did not want a car made by Omni Consumer Products?”

“These are the best the country has to offer.”  He said smiling.

Betty folded her arms “But in the end Omni Consumer Products makes money no matter how the car performs; good or bad.”

He still smiled but anxiously. “So what color convertible would you like?  The sparkling sapphire would match your eyes perfectly or maybe the crimson one, it is a real racy number.”

Betty turned her back an looked out the window and noticed something across the street a much smaller dealership, this one had yellow, green and even purple cars. “What about those cars?”

“Them.”  He waved disdainfully. “A bunch of nuts.”

Betty regarded him and he chuckled. “They can’t advertise as much because they don’t have our budget.  Secondarily our maintenance department  promises everything you could ever want. We take care of everything from start to finish. All they do is give you manual and make suggestions.”

“What is wrong with that?”

“Our machines are complex, checking the air pressure in a tire is a multiple step procedure, steps most Americans don’t want to do, let alone understand.”  Stepping in front of the window he blocked  the view. “What do I have to do to put you in a  convertible?”

Betty shook her head  moved towards the door but he casually slid in front of her again. “Do you know anyone that has ever driven one of their cars?  Everyone you know drives one of ours.”

Betty stepped around him and started walking.  She heard him yell as she left the showroom. “These are the best our country has to offer.”

 

Also in the political areana We Need a Monster and  America’s Big Game.  

Here is the my reading of the story which will be sent into The Survival Podcast. 

Posted in Ameica's Big Game, My Views On The Real World

We Need a Monster

monster_lineup

“We need our own monster.”

The older man nodded thoughtfully. 

“But just a monster that protects the perimeter of our farm, and he should be restrained at all times.” 

The older man just nodded thoughtfully and rocked in his chair. 

“So it is agreed we get our own monster, but with strong chains, and we don’t feed him much so he won’t get very big and we keep him along the edge of the property.”

Several weeks later they had their monster.   The younger man claimed this was a brand new type of monster, not like one all their neighbors had, this one was more obedient,  would only go after the pests and nuisances that the monster was instructed too.

One evening while sitting on the porch the old man watched the monster chase a pest all the way up to the barn, he pointed out that the monster was off his chain.

“Yeah I know the chain slowed him down too much, but look he went right back to where he needed to be, I don’t think we need the chain on him all the time, maybe just when we go to bed at night. “

Several weeks later the older man mentioned that the monster was getting a little bigger. 

“Well he was a little slow just on what he could forage and those pests on the western side of the garden were keeping the crops from growing, so I upped his food,  now instead of him foraging all the time he can deal with those annoyances.”

The older man squinted his eyes and looked at the western edge of the property straining to see the problem.  Sure there were problems out there but with the proper fencing and such it would sort itself out he thought.  But the younger fellow seemed so eager to have get a handle it he let him use the monster the way he saw fit.

The harvest season came and the homestead was blessed with an abundance.  The old man came out in the morning and saw that the younger man had the monster harnessed to the wagon as if to pull it to town.  

“I figured that the monster could take the wagon into town, everyone would see how big and scary he is and he would not just be out here lurking around doing one thing.” 

The older man reminded him that the horses  had always done just fine pulling the the wagon before.

“Oh they could use the day off besides the monster can pull just as much as them. “

The old man watched his young partner go off into town and slowly shook his head. 

Winter came and one bitterly cold morning the old man walked into the barn and found the young man feeding the monster in the barn well the old man frowned and pointed for the monster to leave which the monster did but he did not go too far away, not all the way to the edge of the property as he had been trained to do. 

The younger men pled his case.  “It is silly for our monster to be out in the cold, all our livestock are in the barn for the winter if the monster is outside and they are in here he might as well be in here too protecting them. 

The old man was adamant that the proper place for the monster was along the perimeter watching over things and if he was in the barn he would start eating the food of their livestock instead of foraging for himself as he was supposed to, the old man was adamant and enforced the rule as much as he could but he often found tracks were the monster had come into the barn. 

Then the older man broke his leg just as they were beginning the spring planting and was confined to his bed for several weeks.  The older man now got around much slower on crutches and that is when he discovered the monster had grown considerably.  He also realized the young man had gotten rid of the horses and was using the monster for all the chores around the farm.   

The summer passed and the old man noted that the farm was running efficiently but the monster seemed to be growing more and more.  He also  took stock of the fields and it looked like their harvest was not going to be as good as last year because something was eating the plants in their early stages, he pointed this out to the younger man. 

“Well you see when I started having the monster doing all those extra chores he would get hungrier and now I have feed him but he just seems to be hungry all the time now.”  The young man said nervously.

The old man glared at the young man but inwardly he was angry with himself too. 

Early the next day the old man spoke.   “We needed a monster.  We still need a monster.”   “But we” he motioned to the young man and himself. “We grew lax.  We came to depend on it for too much.  The steps toward this problem were both slow and gradual but with each concession to the rules the monster grew.  Now in order to reign it in it is going to be both difficult and dangerous.  Difficult because we have gotten lazy letting the monster do things that we should have been doing.  Dangerous because it has grown so big and now it is used to doing whatever it want when it wants.” 

The younger man nodded thoughtfully rolled up his sleeves and they went out together to deal with the monster. 

 

Artwork at the top of the page is from Mr. Arthur Adams a great artist.

This article was written for Libertarians and Pacifistic Anarchists to share with people to make them think.  Just please give me credit or a link back to my site. 

Here is me reading it.  

If you liked this you might want to read Americas Big Game (good for any election cycle).  Or Salesmanship

If you like my reading voice check out my audio book Scouts Out the Podcast or if you want to investigate the Outfitters Universe here is a short story set in the Outfitters Universe, That Was Then This Is Now.

This story was broadcast on The Survival Podcast on 7/7/2016 at about the 1:08:30 mark.  I am quite honored that the host, Jack Spirko, played it on the same day he played clips from the movie John Adams from HBO, both John Adams words  urging the vote for Treason/Rebellion/Independence and the reading of the Declaration of Independence. 

 

 

Posted in Ameica's Big Game, My Views On The Real World

America’s Big Game

elephant_donkey-apha-120924

 

Once upon a time there was a basketball game in that everyone was interested in.  The basketball game was very important and everyone was excited to watch it.  There was a blue team and a red team.  Everyone had a side they were cheering for, so much so that they would get into very serious arguments about which team was better.  It came time for the big game and each team had their cheerleaders and each team had an announcer that was broadcasting for their team.   All the fans were very invested in the game, the fans wore their team colors and put signs up in their yards. 

 The cheerleaders and broadcasters were true believers that believed their team was the best and nothing the other team did was ever good or honorable.  People who were really interested in the game saved and scrimped and bought tickets for this huge stadium event, while those who could not either watched it on TV and tuned into their favorite broadcaster.

 The broadcaster’s had the best stats and details about the teams, information they could produce at a moment’s notice.  If a guy for the red team scored the blue announcer would state it was luck and show that of the last three times shooting he missed and he had once kicked a cat.  If a guy for the blue team scored their announcers would show almost instantly, that he fowled a red team member each time he dribbled with his left hand while stepping with his left foot and broadcast the fact that ninety percent of the time he did not use his right turn signal when stopping for coffee.

 The game started and the crowd roared every time a basket was scored.  The announcers made dramatic calls and everyone at home was glued to their television cheering their team.

 Meanwhile up in the skybox seats the sponsor and the owners looked down and smiled.  They smiled because they were making money, they sold food and drinks to all the fans, the sold the television rights and sold their products, they even sold the red and blue t-shirts the fans bought and wore.  

 Sometimes though a fan or maybe someone at home noticed something, there was no scoreboard.  The looked and looked but could not find a record of who was actually winning or losing.  No one was keeping track of the total baskets scored by each team.  The game progressed with each team scoring, sometimes they would miss a shot and half the fans would cheer and the other half would boo. 

 It came time for halftime, and both teams went to the locker room. They had played their hearts out and were dripping with sweat, some even trash talked the other teams on the court, jeering at them and making fun of the other team to the delight of the fans.  Unseen by the fans though even though the red team and the blue team left the court via separate and spectacularly decorated tunnels they both ended up in the same locker room, they met with the owners and sponsor who slapped them all on the back and congratulated them on the fine game they were playing. 

 Meanwhile out on the court, the cheerleaders were dancing. There were cartoons on the big screen showing red and blue icons competing with each other.  The red and blue mascots got into a game of pranks and the crowd cheered with almost as much wild abandon as when their team scored a goal.  

 Some people kept looking for a scoreboard. 

 

I was inspired to flesh out a thought that Jack Spirko at The Survival Podcast passed on this week.  Over the past couple of years I have become very disillusioned with the political parties in this country.  Is my analogy perfect, of course not, is it all inclusive, no.  I just think that the people in the U.S. are missing the big picture.  

Jack Spirko read this on his podcast on   9/15/2014 about the 50 minute mark.

If you liked my take on politics you might like this short story, We Need a Monster or Salesmanship.

 

warispeace