Posted in Ameica's Big Game, My Views On The Real World, Outrageous Lies and Tales

The Genie and the Libertarian

 

Max looked over the dingy dented copper kettle, he noted the strange writing on it, he wondered how it got in the junk pile of  this old dilapidated cabin on this abandoned strip mine.  He shrugged and wondered if it was worth cleaning up or just throwing in the scrap pile.  Copper was going for about $2.93 a pound, not that this piece weighed more than a pound but every little bit helped in the scrap business.  He took his bandanna out of his pocket and rubbed it, maybe he could clean it up.

As soon as the cloth was swiped across the kettle a loud boom came from no where and everywhere smoke began to spew from the kettle’s spout.  Max dropped it and took a few steps back and promptly fell on his butt, that is when  a voice came from the smoke. “Who summons the genie of the lamp?” the smoke formed a cloud which then coalesced into a torso and head of a man.   The figure’s features got more and more sharp until Max could see he was  bare-chested, earrings in both of his ears with a very noble but unsmiling face.  The face began to look around and his eyes fell on Max.   “Are you the Master of the Lamp.”

Max shook his head blinked really hard and looked back up at the smoke and floating top half of the man.  “I am having a acid flashback.”  Max said out loud then shook his head again.  “That is not right, I grew up in the 80s and I have never done acid or any other hard drugs for that matter.”

The figure leaned over and looked at Max’s digital watch. “I see the age of science and reason still prevails, but have you heard the story of the genie of the lamp?”

Max raised an eyebrow quizzically.  “You mean Aladdin and the wizard with the booby trapped cavern?”

The top half of the man laughed, a big belly laugh. “I am in the presence of a an educated man.”

“Not really I barely graduated high school but I did read One Thousand and One Nights.”

“Good then you understand the basic principles of this, you are the Master of the Lamp, I am your slave to command, you have three wishes so choose wisely.”

Max raised his hand like he had been taught in class and Sunday school.

“No need to raise your hand Master, I take it you have a question well let me answer the most frequent asked questions and save us time.  No you cannot wish for more wishes.  No I cannot change the world or the past, I can only effect you, for example I can make you irresistible to women or rich or both.”  The genie smiled and winked at him.  ”Or like the last guy, he asked to be rich and famous, to say whatever he wanted and to be President of the United States.”

Max grimaced, so that is how the Oompa Loompa had done it.  Not with a deal with the devil but three wishes, he shook his head.  “Not my question but thanks for the information.”

The genie interrupted.  “Oh, you want to know if I can raise the dead, or make someone fall in love with you or perhaps kill your enemies.  Sorry but no on all three but I can make you a great undefeatable warrior so you can kill your own enemies.”  The genie said nodding enthusiastically.

Max shook his head no again.

The genie looked confused now. “Then master what is your question?”

“You say that since I found the lamp I am the master and you are my  slave.”

“Yes until I complete the three wishes then the lamp will vanish from sight along with your memory of me, the lamp will be cast to the winds of chance to another  location for someone else to find.”  The genie said as if this was common knowledge.  “So what is your command Master and please use the phrase ‘I wish’ that way I know you mean it.”

Max nodded understanding, then shook his head.  “I am sorry genie but I do not believe another person should be the slave to anyone else so I cannot make a wish that would be wrong.”

The genie raised his eyebrow.  “Excuse me?”

“I do not believe anyone should be forced to do anything against their will and I believe in a free exchange of goods and services between free and willing persons.  If you  are a slave that negates your freedom, I will not participate in the enslavement of anyone.”

The genie lowered himself down to Max’s eye level on the ground. “I do not understand you, this is your right, you own the lamp, therefore I am yours to command.”

“I may own the lamp, but that does not give me the right to take your freedom.  I will not participate in your forced servitude.

The genie scratched his head.  “So no wishes huh?

Max crossed his arms.  “Nope.”

The two stared at each other for a while.

“Anything I can do to change your mind?”

Max shook his head. “Nothing comes to mind.”

The genie put his hands on the cloud where his hips would be. “I cannot return home till I have granted your wishes.  So you must make three wishes so I can find a new master.”  Max must have had a confused look on his face so the genie spoke again.  “I cannot return home till I serve a hundred masters, you are my twenty-third master.”  The genie said matter or factly.  “You must make your wishes.”

“I will not.”  Max said standing up so he was even with the genie.

“We have a problem then Master.”  The genie said growing in size and his voice got deeper and louder and the smoke that made up the lower portion of his body got darker.

Max shook his head.

“You must.” The genie said towering over Max trying to intimidate him.

Max crossed his arms glaring back. “Nope.”

The two of them stared at each other, after a few minutes the two stopped and Max walked over to his nearby  ATV and drank from his canteen, he offered it to the genie who was watching him all this time.  The genie shrugged and floated over to him and Max extended the canteen to him, with that gesture Max had and idea.  “Can I make a wish for you?”

The genie looked at Max.  “No one has ever asked that question before.”  The genie said confused. “You would do that  for me Master?”

“Yes and please stop calling me Master, my name is Max, I am just a simple duck farmer out gathering a little copper for some cash.

“You are a duck farmer, I used to be a shepherd.”

Max nodded then continued. “Can I wish for you to be free?”

“I don’t see why not.”  The genie answered quickly grinning ear to ear.

Max stepped back and looked the genie in the eye.  “I wish

 

Just another piece in my ongoing efforts to examine my own libertarian/voluntarist/pacifistic anarchist world view point.

We Need a Monster

America’s Big Game

 

Posted in Ameica's Big Game, My Views On The Real World

Salesmanship

redvsblue

Everyone, her friends, her parents even people on the street were all taking about why their car was better than someone else’s.  Betty decided it was time to go shopping so she did what everyone else did and went to the dealership.  They sold the two major brands ,the brand her parents always drove and brand that her friends wanted.

“I could tell by the way you came in here you want to make or keep this country great am I right?”

“I just came in here to look.” Betty said.  The salesman looked perfect, blue suit, flawless hair,  red tie knotted precisely and a smile that matched his perfect white shirt.

“Very wise but you want a car that is great like this country, dependable but bold, tough and smart. Do you want to buy or lease?”

“Well I don’t want to be tied to something forever so just a lease, maybe like four years.”

The salesman continued smiling. “Of course, but with the option to renew for another four years. Once you commit to four years it will be hard to change.”

Betty looked around the showroom. “How come the only cars here are either red or blue?”

Smiling he showed those sparkling teeth. “Red and blue are the most popular colors and we give America what America wants.”

“Do you sell other colors, maybe green or yellow?”

“Of course we could but we really suggest either red or blue, it is much easier to get body work done and other colors are more likely to get stolen. I am sure you have heard the phrase ‘the tallest nail gets hammered first’  well by selling only red or blue cars we are protecting our customers.”

“I guess that makes sense.”  She strolled between two cars which were  both on elevated platforms with the salesman at her elbow.  “I can’t really get a good look at the cars from down here.”

“But you can see their great profiles while looking up at them, let me show you the brochures, which one do you want to look at first, blue or red.”

Betty shrugged.  “Red I guess.”

“Great choice a very impressive model this year.”  Pulling out a glossy brochure he handed it to her.

Looking over the brochure she asked.  “Does this car really get a hundred miles to the gallon?”

“It depends on your driving habits if you are a lead foot in the city then you mileage may vary, but look at this,” he said flipping the page to a picture of the the trunk.  “isn’t that impressive, you could probably get seven suitcases in there.”

Betty nodded it was a huge trunk.  Glancing at the remaining pages she turned to the last page and as if on cue the salesman asked. “So what do you think can you see yourself showing this off to all your friends?”

“Well maybe, but I should shop around, what are the features on the blue car.”

“An awesome selection it is a very impressive model this year.”  The brochure was produced and at the same time he relieved her of the first, flipping to a page seemingly at random he pointed out a feature.  “This car’s interior is made with sustainably produced fabrics that have a zero percent emissions rating in the shipment to the market.”

Betty looked at the stats but not knowing what he meant.  Although the cars looked different and  were different brands it seemed to her that the cars were basically the same. “Can I see the brochure for the red car again?”

The salesman continued smiling and deftly produced the brochure again, but this time he presented it to her open which forced her give the blue one back to him.

The facts seemed clear but not quite.  “Can I look at both of the brochures together?”

His smile faltered slightly. “Sure.”

Betty held both and flipped thru them together.  “It says the blue car has 30 cubic feet interior space but the red car has 17 cubic feet in the front and 13 cubic feet in the rear. Isn’t that the same amount of space?  They are both four door sedans after all.”

The salesman answered as if he got asked this question all the time. “You are very observant.” Then he winked. “Yes they are both sedans, with the same basic layout but   with key differences. One has 30 cubic feet overall that is in total space and the other has 13 cubic feet in the passenger area but  4 more cubic feet in the front seating area.”  Still smiling.  “I can see you are very astute. Are you interested in a leather interior?”

Betty shook her head realizing what he had said did not make any sense. She closed the brochures  and noticed a logo on both brochures. “Are both these car manufactured by Omni Consumer Products?”

The salesman winked again at her. “No they are manufactured by different companies, both with different but similar manufacturing processes.”  Then he pointed towards the blue car.  “This design team spent hundreds of hours on the greatest luxury car of all time,”  he shifted his body to now block the blue car while pointing towards the red car. “Their design team polled countless people to determine what people want and created the most supreme luxury car of all time.”

Betty nodded and then stepped around the salesman and began to walk around both cars.  “What if I wanted something totally different from these two cars?”

“I know what you want.” Snapping his fingers. “A convertible, well we have a crimson model and a sapphire one right on the other side of showroom, you are going to love one of them.”

Betty shook her head.  “I don’t think you understood me what if I did not want a car made by Omni Consumer Products?”

“These are the best the country has to offer.”  He said smiling.

Betty folded her arms “But in the end Omni Consumer Products makes money no matter how the car performs; good or bad.”

He still smiled but anxiously. “So what color convertible would you like?  The sparkling sapphire would match your eyes perfectly or maybe the crimson one, it is a real racy number.”

Betty turned her back an looked out the window and noticed something across the street a much smaller dealership, this one had yellow, green and even purple cars. “What about those cars?”

“Them.”  He waved disdainfully. “A bunch of nuts.”

Betty regarded him and he chuckled. “They can’t advertise as much because they don’t have our budget.  Secondarily our maintenance department  promises everything you could ever want. We take care of everything from start to finish. All they do is give you manual and make suggestions.”

“What is wrong with that?”

“Our machines are complex, checking the air pressure in a tire is a multiple step procedure, steps most Americans don’t want to do, let alone understand.”  Stepping in front of the window he blocked  the view. “What do I have to do to put you in a  convertible?”

Betty shook her head  moved towards the door but he casually slid in front of her again. “Do you know anyone that has ever driven one of their cars?  Everyone you know drives one of ours.”

Betty stepped around him and started walking.  She heard him yell as she left the showroom. “These are the best our country has to offer.”

 

Also in the political areana We Need a Monster and  America’s Big Game.  

Here is the my reading of the story which will be sent into The Survival Podcast.